Parenting pressures

 Parenting is a tight rope walk. There are no role models because very child is unique and every parent is different.

While there are hundreds of books about parenting and huge discussions both online and offline about styles of parenting, I sincerely belive there can be no rule book.

What worked for one parent and child may not necessarily work for another. 

It's the road unknown, though it has been travelled so often.

While we surely can draw from.yhe experiences of others and look upto how we were reared in our childhood, each parent will have to chart his or her own journey. 

So how does one parent a child for the unknown future using unknown techniques?

Parenting is a life long commitment. Once a parent, you cannot reverse the role! It's not a job that you can change nor is it a marriage where you can walk out.

Society keeps throwing models of parenting at us. We have our parents, neighborhood uncles and aunties who will give you free dose of parenting advice. There will be people at random corners dolling out what you need to do with your child or for your child. The markets are abuzz with schools and organisations who claim they are giving you the best for your child.

In all this chaos, how do you sift information and do what's needed for your child? 

Believe in your child. As soon as a child is born, we usually hear many of these statements- looks like the father, acts like the mother , just like uncle etc etc. While these are definitely expressed outvof love and affection for the child, begin your parenting journey with the fact that your child is not a replica of  the father , the mother or of any other relative. The child is an individual who deserves to grow into his or her own space.

Observe  your child. Recently I was telling my daughter , how she as a baby would refuse to be swaddled and tied up into a bundle (as is traditionally done with babies after their bath). She would fight her way out and sleep only once her arms and legs were free. She turned towards me and said,' Amma! I think I just knew nothing can tie me down.' Yes, even babies display their inherent personality of we care to see. 

Be aware of their ideas. As children grow up , they have their own dreams and ideas. Sometimes they follow norms. My daughter went through the Hannah Montana amd 'I love pink' phase. My son went through the ' I want to be an engine driver to a car designer phase'. At no point , belittle any of these. These ideas may or may not match your ideas for them. But know that they come into the world to live thier life, not yours.

Help them discover their strengths. Society and schools are framed to show what a huge failure you are. Winners are felicitated. Rankers are awarded. Teach your child that one needs to be a winner to one's conscience. They may or may not do well in school. The academic performance doesn't indicate their strengths. Learn to recognise their potential. As parents we usually focus so much on the academic part of schooling that we don't realise that may be that's not what the child wants.  Sports, music, dance , painting , coding, languages and so many other areas of learning may fascinate the child. Observe what the natural inclination of the child is. Strengthen this. Empower your child to make choices.

Encourage and empower. My son loves to read brochures and user manuals. He began this as a child of seven. No new equipment  could come into our home without him not having read up the manual. Our initial amusement turned into thankfulness when we realised that he is the only one at home who would immediately know what wrong in a machine when it stopped. Today this habit has helped him tremendously. He will not debate without facts. He will ensure he has the right information before taking a decision. He will not jump to conclusions.  Encourage your child to empower them to do the right things.

Be a learner. This means that one needs to be aware of more than rules and regulations. While we tend to follow rules , because it's either the done thing or its the best we know. A parent has to be a learner. Each day your child will teach you new things. New challemges will unfold everyday. Be mindful of what your children teach you. You do not have to do things just because the grandmother's of the world did it before you. While I don't deny the value of traditional wisdom, I would advise prudence while choosing to follow everything.