a mother

Ganapathy Bappa Morya....
Mangal Murthi Morya....
Undhir Mama ki jai...
These were the words that rang loud and clear in my ears for the last three days on my trip to Ashtavinayak.Ashtavinayak is a tour that covers eight ganpathy temples in Maharashtra in and around Pune.

Eight Temples in three days!!!! My My thats some change in me I thought as I sat in the bus going from temple to temple.
What made me run to these temples?
Where were my convictions that I needed no God to look after me.
Where was the Priya who used to proclaim that God was a concept needed only by the emotionally weak?
Had I changed into a weak person?
Had I become dependant on unknown forces for things to move?
Where was the me that believed that everyhting in life is self motivated and all actions are a result of one's thoughts?
where was the radical me that poohpoohed any religious jargon?
Where was the practical me who laughed throught prayers when my mom asked me recite them?
Where was the intellectual me that ridiculed my freinds when they prayed to score well in the exams ?
Where was the pragmatic me that said that all these rules and regualations were meant not to enhance one spiritually but to tie one's freedom down?
What happened to the me who thought that Gods and their powers worked only in Amar chitra Kathas ?



Where ,I thought,I searched within and without and i got only one answer.
I had vanished into a mother...........

Mumbai's moments of bliss.........

The early mornings in Mumbai are the only semblance of peace that this city has to offer(unless you count in a very late night ride over the Rajiv Gandhi sea link)
As I take my routine morning walks,a number of pleasant images strike my mind.
Very young kids ambling down to school,tagging on their parents,eyes half opened ,wondering why they have to endure such an early morning!!!
Young boys and girls rushing to the school,sometimes narrating the previous evenings tales,else sometimes going through the last few pages of revision before a test.
Young urban couples for whom this might be the only quality time together.
A group of old men who have a good laugh at the tea stall.
The newly enlisted group of policemen all in crew cuts ,enjoying a cup of tea before they begin their daily drill.
A few more 'trying to lose weight' walkers like me!!!!
And finally the glorious sun announces its arrival somewhere in the horizon.......
Mumbai has its moments of bliss

CATKATBATASH

a tornado appears from nowhere.....claims to research on artificial intelligence ,creates a male Katrina that can rock not only the US, but almost the entire eastern hemishpere.Now this Male KAT is obviously emotionless just as much as its creator ( whom I call CAT)is brainless.but get the emotions into him and KAT and CAT both have the hots for a lady flame who sways and sashays down every road as if it a ramp.Lady flame leaves the ASH behind wherever she goes and ASH is all too eager to kiss not only CAT but also KAT.CAT and KAT love ASH .KAT talks to mosquitoes to profess his love while CAT buys jewellery but so does KAT and ASH loves what KAT bought because he is created by CAT whom she loves..........and to get ASH in his life KAT becomes evil....love can be dangerous so finally KAT beocmes BAD goes from being KAT to BAT...BAT multipies on his own and creates hundreds of other BATS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!CAT wants to destroy BAT and save ASH from BAT.ASH doesnt mind seducing BAT ofcourse inorder to help CAT.....CAT disguises as one BAT and then ASH doesnt know who is BAT and BAT..Real BAT sheds blood and sweat and finally destroys all the BATS who combine to form SNAKE........and Giant ROBOT..............



No marks for guessing........what I have gone thru

tribute to mumbai

SADIYON SE MAUN HOON MIEN KHADA
ANTARNAD KI AWAAZ AAJ TUM TAK PAHUNCHE
AAVASHAKTA HAIN AAN PADI
PANNE AAJ HAI JO TUMHARE ITIHAAS KE
THE WOH PANNE MERE ASTITIVA KE


SRAJAN HUA THA MERA
BADE ABHIMAAN SE
AA RAHA THA BRITISH SARKAR
KE RAJA AUR RANI
BADE SHAAN SE


JHOOM RAHI THI JAB YEH MAHAL,
GOONJ RAHI THI SADAKON PEIN NAARE
CHAARON ORE THA YEH SHOR
VANDE MATARAM,ANGREZ BHARAT CHODO VA KAI AUR

VAKTH BADLA,TAKTH BADLA
RAJ BADLA,TAJ BADLA
HUA YESH DESH HAMARA,RAJYA HAMARA,RAJ HAMARA

SAMAY KI NADI BEHTI GAYI
ZINDAGI NE RAFTAR PAKDI
NAYE BHARAT KI SHAAN HAI AB MUMBAI
YAHAAN REHTE HAR INSAAN KI JAAN HAI MUMBAI.

MUMBAI KI IS SAFAR MEIN
SAATHI HAI JO YEH KAMAAL
KAHAAN MILENGE LOG
AISE DHAMAAL

PEECHE MERE SAGAR KE LEHREN,
SAMNE HAIN JAWAN MUMBAI KE CHEHRE
RANGEEN CINEMA DIKHAYE SAPNE,
IN SAPNON KO LEKE BADE MASTI KE SAATH
COLLEGE KE YEH LADKE LADKIYAN APNE


SHAHR HAIN YEH KAAM KARNE WALON KA,
NA DIN NA RAAT JAANE YEH
PATRI PE CHALTI HAIN ROZ DIN
IS MAHAAN DESH KA KHARCHA SAMBHALTI HAIN

HAADSA JAB AISA KUCH HOTA HAIN,
RUK JAATI HAI ZINDAGI KI GATI,
SOHTA HOON MAIN PAL PAL
KYA HAIN YAHAAN KA ANEWALA KAL?

KYA MERE PANNON PE BAHEGA SIRF KHOON?
KYA AAJ KA YEH ASTITVA BANEGA IN BACHHON KA ITIHAS?
KYA YEH KLESH,YEH RAKHT,YEH BARBADI
BAN JAYEGI IN KI ZINDAGI KI SACHAI?

After twenty years

Ek sham woh tha jab bichade the kai dost banke ajnabi.......
Ek sham yeh tha jab bhichade the kai ajnabi banke dost...................
What is it that drives a bunch of people to travel all across the globe to meet each other after being perfect strangers for almost two decades? What is it that brings people who hardly knew each other when they were in school to almost create new ties? There is something that defies all logic here. There is something that seems to work beyond comprehension.
And that is the magic of the Class of 89 that defies logic.
When destiny sent us separate ways I never thought I would meet my classmates like this. The chances of meeting them seemed bleak and I didn’t care any less. It hardly made a difference if I knew what had happened to any one of them as my life didn’t seem to have any place for them.
But then again on the 7th of August 2010 destiny ensured that some of these people resurfaced in my life.
As I reached the school, I felt my heart skip a beat. Here I had travelled all the way to meet a group of strangers. Would I recognise them? Would they recollect me? Well some did, some did not but once the old photographs in our minds were distorted to fit in the new images, the class of 89 took no time to warm itself up.
Time seemed to have just vanished into obscurity. As the day progressed and as the ‘class’ went through the various activities, the 20 years had melted away. No one even felt it existed in our lives. As we caught up with each other’s lives, we discussed husbands, wives, babies and jobs. Each one of us unravelled the timelines of everyone else’s lives.
But then all that didn’t seem to matter anymore. What mattered was that at the Taj, on the 7th of august i was just myself, I was not the daughter, not the the daughter-in-law, not the wife, not the mother, not the teacher, I was just me........as it had been 20 years ago.
Going through the various roles in life( none of which I would want to change) I realised that ‘ME’ had been pushed into the background and today ‘I,me,Myself’ had resurrected over 20 years.
As the day progressed the more I got connected to someone who I had forgotten in the daily humdrum of life, to someone who was hidden so deep within that even if she screamed aloud, I never heard. But today she was laughing, and relaxing, being just herself, letting herself be..Just be
I had no ‘role’ to play; I was not slotted to be anyone I just grew up to be. I was just me.
It was a day destined for me to fly; destined to feel free, destined to occur just to reconnect
Reconnect not with just people who went out of my lives 20 years ago, but also to the one little girl who got engulfed within my soul!!!!!!!!!
Agar doston se bichde the bees saal pehle,to unke saath kahin humne apne aap ko bhi ghuma diya tha.....
Agar doston se mile hain ab bees saal baad, to unke saath humne apne aap ko bhi paa liya tha.......

Then and now

Then you were in my life,oh so small and fragile.
Then you were in my life,making me want to smile and smile.
Then you were in my life,looking at me with those wide eyes.
Then you were in my life, gurgling ,gushing and giving out the loudest sighs.
Then you were in my life,dressed all in pinks and frill.
Then you were in my life, where each day was a drill yet with a thrill.
Time passed...
Now you are in my life,standing on the threshold of your life.
Now you are in my life,growing up so fast.
Now you are in my life,the baby days all so well in the past.
Now you are in my life,laughing and loving
Now you are in my life,looking ahead expectantly.
Now you are in my life,waiting to grow into your own life........

main aur meri double chin

ME:..................
main aur meri double chin
aksar yeh baatein karte hain
tum na hoti to kaise hota
tum kuch na kehti ,koi kuch na kehta
Koi is baat pe hairaan nahin hota
Koi is baat pe mujhpe nahin hansta
tum na hoti to aisa hota,
tum na hoti to vaisa hota...
MY DOUBLE CHIN:..............
Yeh kahaan aa gaye hum yuhi saath chalte chalte
Tere chehre pe o janam mere jisme jaan pighlate.....
Yeh Kahaan aa gaye hum yuhi saath saath chalte

ME :..............
yeh mera chehra hai ya tumse mere wazan ka takaza
yeh mera chehra hai ya badti umar ka aghaaz.....
MY DOUBLE CHIN:........................................
Tu badan hain main hoon chaaya
tu na ho to main kahan hoon
tu jahaan hain main wahan hoon
Humein milna hi tha humdum is raah pe nikalte..................................

the mind that matters over the matters of the heart.....

Confusion abounds,chaos reigns,
the heart cannot hear what the mind wants to say.
As it lies bleeding upon the thorns of self made misery, the mind rattles advice,
matters of the mind do not matter to it.
it weeps in desolation,it weeps in failure,
it lacks the courage ,it lacks the conviction,it lacks the charm ,it lacks the confidence,
it sheds tears of agony,of conflict and of guilt.
the mind is chattering above all this,the pragmatic mind,the unfeeling mind,
the practical mind,the rational mind,
it sees no chaos,it sees no confusion,it only sees a new path,a path now that has to be taken,
a path that the heart does not want to see....the path that brings the heart face to face with its failure....
the failure that sleeps now,but still bleeds,the failure that is quiet now tumultuously.......

The old man and the auto

Sunday evening..just finished shopping at the santacruz market. The usual evening mania..no autorickshaw driver wants to go east.East in Mumbai especially Kalina is like poison.After the floods in Mumbai Kalina is perpetually flooded for these guys.Half an agitated hour later we got one old man in his auto.Very gracefully he asked my huge hubby darling to shift to the right side of the vehicle as the left tyre did not have much air in it!!!!As we began the journey the old man began small talk..where in Kalina do you want to go? Did you always stay where you are staying now?Kadamwadi,responded hubby dear,and no we stayed behind 'King of fashion and Queen of Fashion'(Landmarks once upon a time..now hardly anyone notices it!!!) So there they got talking about how Kalina can never lose its charm and how once a Kalinian always a Kalinian!!!
Then the old Man asked him do you have an elder balding brother.....Yes hubby replied!!!! then Said the old man from 1973 to 76 I have delivered milk in your house!!!! Boy o Boy ,I was a little boy then replied my hubby!!!
The whole incident got me thinking.People come in and go out of our lives with a purpose.The old man had come back with just a little purpose of rekindling some old memories in my hubby,just with the purpose of showing us that the old order that valued the place once was now slowly loosing out to the sheer commercial world where we don't know each other.......

keep smiling in life

A Friday morning.I was on my way to the office.My friend had given me a lift and so the two of us were in her car,giggling and laughing,gossiping and generally being opiniated about the world in general and no one in particular.Traffic was heavy( as it always is in Mumbai) .Radio Mirchi was full of music and masti. Both of us were having a good start to the day.We paused at a signal.The young book boys(boys who sell pirated editions of latest best sellers at the cheapest prices possible) swarmed into the halted traffic.A little fellow with a spark in his eye stopped near my window.Madam ji dekho..and showed me The Lost symbol. Something told me to respond to him.Yeh to maine padh liya hai,I said.To in me se kuch dekh lo ..he said showing me the tall tower of books that he was carrying.Yeh saare maine padh liye hain,I quipped.theek hai to yeh le lijiye...aapke kaam ayega...and he strongly recommended "Loose your weight ,not your mind by Rujuta Divekar!!! thoda weight bhi kam ho jayega( did he mean his own ..the weight of his life ) or mine???? I burst out laughing!!!! No dear mujhe yeh nahin chaiye.... theek hai he said,aap apne doston se bolna mere hi signal par se books kharide...Saying this he gave a mischievous little wink and ran to the next halted car.
He didn't sell his book to me but he sold his enthusiasm and his spirit to keep smiling in life !!!!

The phoenix

She was happy,joyous and free.The world was hers to rule.When she smiled ,she radiated happiness.She fluttered as lovely as a butterfly.From every flower that life gave to her,she not just received,she gave instead...a lot of happiness..she spread around.No life that she once touched ever forgot her.It seemed as if Nature had conspired to keep her happy.Then the bubble burst.The Gods went against her.She began to cringe.she began to cower,she began to fear.She feared to smile,she feared to laugh,she feared to rejoice.But she learnt to resist this deviant plan of the Gods.She smiled though it pained,she rejoiced though it ached,she laughed though she was tormented.The world did not know.The world believed the image she projected,a shadow of her true self.The world believed she smiled because she loved it,she smiled because she did not want to hurt those she loved.The world believed she rejoiced the gifts of life,she rejoiced that in all this pain she had her babies to look forward to.The world believed she laughed at it ,she laughed to challenge her own self.Time and again her struggle,her pain and her energy to deal with it makes me want to believe that she is the modern day phoenix.She will rise again and laugh at the world.AGAIN!!!!!!

ode to kalpana

I first met Kalpana in my sixth grade.We had recently relocated to Trivandrum and there I was Maharashtra chi mulgi standing in the Malayala nadu knowing nothing of that language.Someone told us that Kalpana was the best teacher of the language.She was friendly,she was humourous and she helped to learn easily.So began my Malayalam lessons from her.But I could meet her only once a month.A three hour class of fun,frolic ,entertainment and education-those were her classes.In less than a year not only could I understand the language but could speak reasonably well in it too.though i no longer needed her classes,she continued to remain an integral part of my life.she encompassed not only aspects of my life but also my entire family.My family was with me in this entire endeavour,right from the first class!!!!
Kalpana taught all of us.....
for almost 7 years we regularly visited her every month and came home enriched..sometimes happy,sometimes sad,sometimes thoughtful,sometimes pensive...
Today I heard she is gone,gone for ever...I felt i had lost a link to my past.Kalpana has been replaced by Big Bazaar....Kalpana was the theatre where I saw my first Malayalam Movie!!!!!
Kalpana was where I began my tryst with Malayalam movies.Here was where I cried along with Mammooty,laughed with MohanLal,romanced with Rahman,danced with Shobana,learnt sarcasm under Balachandra Menon, and empathised with Nedumudi Venu.
Today she stocks washing powder!!!!!

One new year to the next

The new year has been ushered in.
The party is over.
The bills have been paid.
The reality has sunk in.
The grind has begun.
The year is unfolding day by day.
How is it different from the ones that have gone by?
How is it going to carve a niche for itself in the sands of time?
How am I going to remember this year more than any other year?
Why will this year be more special?
What does this year have that others didn't have?
Will this mark the beginning of my search?
Will it mark the end of my search?
Will it set me upon a journey of discovery?
Will it set me upon rediscovering things I have forgotten?
when will I be able to answer the whats,the whys and the hows????
Will I usher in the next with the same questions???

I begin

A new beginning today..three minutes to eight in the evening....

I always think,I need to write.But something stopped me,kept me confined.I need to break open the confines and I did just that.

Why do we confine ourselves?Why do we define ourselves?Why do we limit ourselves?Why are there roles to be played?Why are there boundaries all around?

I think to release me to push all limitations,to feel what the boundless would be like.The boundaries define the boundless,the inanimate defines the animate,the confines define the limitlessness of space.

Time and again I an bound by my roles,by my duties,by my relationships.All this is essential to the human spirit.It craves for love,it craves for affection.It craves for admiration,it craves for attention.Who would not want to be treated like royalty?Who would not want to cuddle a child and enjoy the gurgle?Who would not want to be courted and loved?The spirit craves to be confined.The spirit craves to be free.This is my beginning,this is my journey..........an eternal clash of ideas and values.