Dont raise your voice, better your argument.

 On his tenth birthday , my son demanded a geared bicycle. It was expensive. When we told him, it is not safe to buy such an expenvie gift as it could get stolen, he suggested we get him the foldable version. I told him such cycles are not available in India. At the end of the day he sent my husband and me links of shops where such cycles were availabe in Mumbai. He argued that a foldable one would be safe as we could park it in the house and not in the open.

That was an eye-opening moment for me as a parent. I knew if I had to reason it out with this young one, I needed my facts in place and very valid arguments. I went upfront to him and told him, that we couldnt just afford it. He would have to look for something cheaper. I gave him my budget!

This argument worked to his logical mind and he happily chose the best alternative available. This taught me:

Dont raise your voice, better your argument.

Commonly used in by lawyers, this statement is an equally powerful parenting statement. Children respond to logic. When they see a logical argument and it appeals to them cognitively , they respond emotionally.

As parents, shouting and yelling at your child is not going to work. Hitting, slapping and the very traditional punitive methods may scar the life of the child. Many adults cannot move past this childhood trauma.

But this nowhere means that we pander to all the demands of the child. Discipline is an attitude that can be instilled in the right way in the right manner.

Being physically or verbally loud to the child just gives the message that , actually I am powerless in this situation and the only way I can control you is to physically dominate you. Children get this message and begin to realise how they can play mind games with the adult.

So strengthen your arguement. Get your facts in place.

Don't worry that children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you.

A very powerful statement that reminds us 'Actions speak louder than words.'

During my journey as a parent, I have experienced this many a time. As an adult I believed it was the right thing for children to obey adults. They had no choice but to do that. And as my children grew, over the years, the realization grew that children will listen to you if they see a logical outcome to what you say.

If you stand on a high moral horse and say, ' Listen to me because I am your parent', that will never work.

We are used to a culture where one parent is made the villain. Usually the father is made to be the supreme authority and given all rights and powers over the child.

This teaches the children that the parents are not a team. While they hear the father is the final decision maker, they see the inequality in the relationship.

I have had many parents walk up to me and say, my son or daughter is constantly on the TV or the phone. He or she she doesnt study. A little digging into the daily routine shows how the parent refuses to switch off the TV, but expects the child to stay away.

Children mirror actions. They observe keenly. They are tunes to your mood and feelings.

Keep a track of yourself first. Then you will command the respect as a parent. You will not have to demand it.

Proximity is power

 This quote by Tony Robbins is as much a business quote as it is teaching and parenting quote. Be the extraordinary person around the children you deal with.

When I say extraordinary, I nowhere mean super human. Parenting and teaching have their own journeys. Be true to them. But as we navigate this journey, being mindful of the power we have on the children is essential.

If a professional grows in a career by getting the right influences and keeping proximity with the right people, remember children do not have the choice to choose their proximities with others. They are bound by the circles we create for them; their families are defined by us. Their peers are defined by the schools and the communities they grow up in.

So, while we limit these boundaries, let us strive to be the ones exercising the right influences on them.

#priyagopal #parenting #proximity #tonyrobbins #influence #teachers

The second principle of magic

 It is sheer coincidence that I stumbled on this quote on the birth anniversary of the author.

There are essentially two principles in magic.

1. Like produces Like

2. Things which have once been in contact with each other continue to act on each other at a distance after the physical contact has been severed.

The magical part is how true these statements are with life too. We say God created Man in his own form. The first principle essentially says that the effect is often from the cause and these may be similar.

The second principle, I feel is a very powerful statement when it comes to teaching and parenting. The impact of an adult on a child is long and powerful. Memoires are the impact that human beings carry with them through life.

As a teacher, one may not be physically present in the life of a student for ever, but this second principle of magic becomes the strongest truth a student can encounter. The impact a teacher makes on the life of a child can be lifelong. The effort of the teacher should be to create as many pleasant experiences as possible. We have heard as many stories of teachers motivating children as those of teachers scarring children for a lifetime. We know of people who have dropped a subject because there has been an extremely toxic teacher. Rude remarks in the class room, physical punishment, unsavoury comments in the report cards are such examples. Instead think how powerful an adult could be in the life of child if we are mindful of this. The magic that this rule can create doesn’t restrict itself to the realm of magic. It creates magic in the life of a child.

As parents one thing that we need to strongly remember is how our voice becomes the inner voice of a child. What you do, act, talk or display as a parent is what the child later on has as a guiding voice in his or her adult life. The principle clearly says that even when the connection is severed, the impact is not. This means that the realm of influence is even beyond this world. As a parent if you understand the sheer power of this idea, it could be life-changing, not just for the child, but for you as a parent. You become capable of building stronger relationships with your child.

Let the magic of magic spread its wings.