The last few days there have been multiple reviews about the the movie #Sanju. Some raved about it while some criticised it. While I have my own opinions about the movie which is published here , I do think it conveyed a very important message which I will elaborate now.
The major focus of the story was the relationship between the father and the son. The movie attempted to show how the father was a great man and the son was never able to come to the expectations of the father. It depicts how they loved each other so much but were unable to communicate that love to each other. It shows how the father and son finally bridged their differences.
Have realistic expectations from your child: You as an individual are entitled to your opinions and ideologies and would want your progeny to follow it. But first try to understand your child, what you child feels and what is the child's idea of life. So do not impose your ideology on your child.
Keep children involved in all matters of the family : There is a scene in the movie where the father informs the 19 year old son that his mother has cancer, but he needs to act as if he doesn't know about it. The mother then informs the son that she is going to New York, not for treatment , but to act in a Hollywood movie. She proudly tells the father she can still act very well, though she is retired from movies. The scene hit me with the hypocrisy we follow in families. Why do we make things sound as if children(though he is an adult here) are incapable of handling the truth? If children are told the truth they will process it and make better choices in life. Parents go on through life saying ' my children should not suffer' . This is true as long as things go well. But in case of any trouble that either parent goes through , I think its very important to take the child into confidence. Children will understand the pain you are going through and will know how to empathize with you.In our need to protect them, we mollycoddle them so much they are unable to handle the bitter truths of life.
Keep communication lines open:Talk to your children. Let them know they can afford to make mistakes,but need to learn from them. Making a mistake is not a crime. Not learning anything from it is. Not teaching our children to learn from them is the biggest crime. The movie shows the son reaching out for drugs and sex as a way to combat his depression. Today more and more children are moving into depression. There is a a break down in communication in families. Keep talking to your children. Hear them out. Sunil Chetri in this speech hits the nail when he says listen to your child.
Chide in private : The father does the reverse. The son is chided by his father for not lip syncing the song as he wanted him to do. He scolds him in front of the whole unit. The son who looks up to the father for his approval, never gets it. His father makes his disappointment very obvious leading me to think, did he at anytime set his expectations with his child? Did they have similar expectations and did the son know what the father wanted or was he just following a mirage?
Be involved in the childhood of your child. While the father does give the son motivational talks and songs that help him choose the right path, I felt they came bit too late in the life of the son. Parents need to be involved with their children. They need to be available for their children emotionally , physically and mentally during the growing years of the child. Celebrate your child. His successes and failures are as much a part of your life as they are of his. Do not blend your pride with his success and your shame with his failure. Take it as a walk down the path of life. Just be there for them unconditionally. Children are not in the lives of parents to make them proud or shame them .They are here to lead their lives. Be with them in their childhood and guide them at the right time, so that as an adult they are capable of making the right choices.
Though I am sure the director never had the above ideas in his head while making the movie, these messages did stand out for me. The movie is definitely a lesson in bad parenting . One can learn what not to do as a parent from this movie. Thank you team Sanju for this.
